We had decided a few weeks earlier that we'd never make it to the South Island without a little cheating. So we got train tickets from Taumarunui to Wellington--a distance of a few hundred k's. With our VIP backpacker cards (yes they are worth the $NZ30, definitely get one if you go to NZ; you can buy them in the airport) the fare worked out to about US$100 for both of us and both bikes.

The train ride was pretty but way fast, compared to our average speed of 10 mph until then. One hilight: we went around the Raurimu Spiral--an official "wonder of the world." It has two horsehoe curves, a full circle and two tunnels. That was the only way the engineers could figure to get the train over a high pass in a short space.

We arrived in Wellington, NZ's capital, in late afternoon. Of course we got lost in a maze of one-way streets downtown. But in the end it took just 35 minutes for us to get from the train station to our budget hotel, which was next door to a pornography establishment. We were a little worried about that but otherwise the street seemed quite nice, with lots of little inexpensive cafes, and even moms pushing strollers.

We spent two days in Wellington. Eric and I thought about it and we decided we might compare it with Baltimore--though neither of us knows that town really well either. Wellington is a port with some steep hills, and has a fairly sizeable university. It's pretty big (area pop around 400k) and some stores even stay open past 7 pm (a rarity in most of NZ). We had a great time wandering around and eating and running errands. One day we took a tour of the parliament building.

Luckily, we also got to see parliament. I've never seen the U.S. federal government, or any government in action, so I had no clue what to expect. (Actually, it turns out that if you've seen a local school board meeting, and I have seen many, you may in fact know what to expect).

When we arrived I felt a little like a kid going to the opera. The guards size you up, to see if you'll disrupt the meeting, or try to eat food in the balcony, or fly paper airplanes or something. You have to check absolutely all your bags on the ground floor. Then you go upstairs and they take away everything you didn't check the first time. I had brought a notepad to take notes. A nice guard quickly confiscated that. No writing allowed (except in the press gallery), I was told. Also, no hands on the balustrade. And as I later found out, no reading. And no leaning close to the balustrade, or placing anything on the balustrade (guards politely remind you of these rules if it looks like you are getting anywhere near to the balustrade).

Then comes the fun. The guards give you a seating chart so you know who's who, and they give you a choice. They asked if we wanted to sit on the side of the goverment or the opposition. I promptly replied, "I want to be near Jenny Shipley."

(Background: NZ has three main parties, National, Labor and NZ First. Following indecisive elections two years ago, NZ got its first ever coalition government. It took awhile to form because both National (a conservative party led by Jim Bolger) and Labor (a liberal party led by Helen Clark) had a lot of votes, but needed NZ First to form their own government. The leader of NZ First, a very unpopular guy named Winston Peters, dallied for months while the others sweated his decision. He eventually decided to go with National, led by Prime Minister Jim Bolger.

The coalition gets bad marks from Kiwis. The Kiwis we've met say the coalition hasn't been able to get anything done. Of course everyone likes to gripe about their own government. But after seeing the Kiwi parliament in inaction, I can see why the Kiwis are complaining. You will too after you read this.

Big changes shook Parliament in October. That's when Jenny Shipley, a mere secretary of transportation for the National Party, conspired with Bolger's friends to oust him from power. Nicknamed the "perfumed steamroller," for her tenacity, Jenny won enough support quickly and is about to become NZ's first female prime minister. At this writing, Jenny has just named her cabinet reassignments. She is set to take the PM seat by Dec. 9. Meanwhile, Jim Bolger says he'll go quietly. He may end up going to Washington DC to be the Kiwi ambassador to the U.S.)

Although Jenny Shipley is a member of the ruling party, Eric and I were escorted to the opposition side, so we could get a better view of Jenny across the way. It turns out that the public seating is in a balcony above the parliament's meeting chamber. So we could pretty much only see the folks across the way, and just the heads and bald spots of the folks underneath us. Many of the sheets were covered with sheepskins.

Eric and I were really excited, since we'd seen a little NZ television and could actually recognize the key figures in the various struggles to run the government. Near Jenny was Winston Peters. Jim Bolger was absent, as he was away at his last official meeting overseas. Helen Clark, head of the Labor Party, and herself a contender for Prime Minister, sat almost beneath us, and spent most of the time on the phone.

As the members entered the chamber beneath us, I turned to a televison crew guy next to me (Eric and I had seats right next to the press), and asked if it would be exciting. He shrugged and said something about "just another yelling match." I said that I had heard on a tour that they were supposed to follow Rules of Order, and be well behaved. He laughed.

Well it started orderly. The speaker of the parliament, to whom all comments are addressed, entered wearing long black robes and a long white wig. He called the meeting to order. Apparently the first item of business was allowing members to ask other members questions. We gathered from watching that all the questions had been submitted ahead of time, both to the speaker and the members who were supposed to answer. So instead of spontaneously asking and answering questions, the members read off questions and other members read off answers.

You would think that would be orderly. But it wasn't. Helen Clark led off with a question about why NZ is buying a third? warship. But she wasn't asking a question, she was making a speech. I was sitting almost directly over her and could see that she was looking at a newspaper article abou the ship.

She was outraged. She slammed the ruling party in her question. The member who answered said something about NZ's commitments under certain protection pacts with other South Pacific countries. From there it deteriorated.

More questions and more answers, with lots of accusations by both questioner and answerer, a lot of booing, shouts of "RUBBISH!" and a few good yelling matches! What fun! At one point, when one member was speechifying loudly and longly, another member started screaming, "Chuck him out! Chuck him out!"

Oddly, each question was fueled by some article in the newspaper. A member would pick up an article (or just look at it), and demand to know why a particular individual wasn't getting some medical operation (ie what's wrong with the health system?), or why some guy wasn't getting compensated after having been released from jail for a crime he didn't commit. I know the press is powerful. But I got the feeling that if the newspapers went on strike, these members wouldn't have anything to talk about.

I don't know if all the meetings are like that but I think they're not far off. Apparently, the parliament does sometimes vote on things, but we didn't see any votes that day. The closest thing we saw to a decision was when the Speaker informed somene below that he would be ordered from the room if he continued his provacative behavior.

Sadly, I don't think anyone learned anything. Nobody asked a question in the spirit of trying to gain new information or insight.

Oddly, the woman we came to see didn't say a word. In public that is. Instead of asking or answering questions, or cheering or jeering along with the rest, Jenny Shipley remained very quiet, occasionally whispering to Winston (who sat two seats away) or getting up to talk to some of her allies who had helped her win her coup against Bolger. Helen Clark spoke often and loudly, but I didn't hear a full speech except about the battleship.

Winston, however, was a surprise. This man is not popular. According to some popularity poll in a newspaper (who knows how big the sample was?), he has a rating of 2%, less than the margin for error. And a company recently began marketing a doggie chew toy that looks like Winston. It made 200,000 of the toys and sold out in the first few weeks.

Winston is unpopular partly because he's fickle and inconsistent. People are still mad at him for taking so long to decide which party to team up with after the elections two years ago.

Kiwis call the Bolger and Winston an odd couple--a papier mache sculpture in the famous Backbencher pub in Wellington shows the two of them sneering at each other and shaking hands over the words, "A Most Unusual Relationship."

More recently, Winston lost respect when he dallied over whether or not NZ First would remain in coalition with National, now thatJenny Shipley is set to take over. While making that decision, he secretly wrote a letter to Helen Clark, saying he wanted to go with her. Helen Clark, wisely, wouldn't have anything to do with him. So Winston was forced to go with Jenny. And that's were things stand.

Anyway, for such a hated and fickle man, Winston stole the show that day. Since Bolger was away, Winston alone was the ranking member of the ruling coalition, and had to answer several questions on behalf of the government. A great irony. His first statement was to congratulate a fellow member on 25 years of service in parliament. When he answered questions he spoke well and came off like a real statesman surrounded by jeering school children. Too bad he behaves so badly otherwise.

The parliament debates from 2pm to 4pm Tuesday through Thursday. We were there on a Tuesday, and around 3pm, the action totally dwindled. Jenny Shipley got up and left. As far as I was concerned that meant the show was over. Then several others got up to leave. Each of them bowed politely to the speaker as they exited.

I'm not sure how long the speaker serves his term. But I wonder if the speaker sprays the hairwig when he gets appointed, or if he gets a new one.

Ironically, with this little visit, Eric and I now know more about the workings of NZ govt than we do of US govt.

next: the South Island and Thanksgiving

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